Introducing the new Microsoft Windows 95/98/ME keyboard
Here's a snapshot from the University of Maine's campus movie channel The error message reads: The system has detected a conflict for IP address 130.111.119.251 with the system having hardware address 00:90:27:F6:00:5c

The relationship between power, work, and time

If cars were like computers...

Why Java sucks

The Google Mirror

Introducing MSLinux

A wonderful 404 error page

George W. Bush: Words Speak Louder Than Actions

Random questions and quotations that I've collected:

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

What is the Sound of Silence?

If "progress" means "To go forward," does "congress" mean "to go backwards?"

Why is "little" twice as big as "big"?

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Are there any synonyms for "thesaurus"?

If someone doesn't know what "dictionary" means, do you tell them to look it up?

Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?

Newspaper headline: Dyslexia for Cure Found! -Television series Police Squad, the basis for the Naked Gun movies

Norma is as selfless as I am, Ron.

A man, a plan, a canal, Panama.

Rats live on no evil star.

Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog.

Was it a cat I saw?

Linda Tripp is a man, baby. -Craig Kilborn, The Daily Show

Videogames are to anime as marijuana is to crack. -Thor, the RPGamer Q&A Guy

Blow your mind... Smoke gunpowder.

God is real... unless declared integer.

If a maintenance programmer can't quote entire Monty Python movies from memory, he or she has no business being a programmer. -How to Write Unmaintainable Code

University of Maine: Not making sense since 1865.

University of Maine: Under Construction since 1865.

Microsoft. Corp.©: Not making sense since 1975.

Law of Conservation of Intelligence:
1) The total human population of the planet Earth is continuously increasing.
2) The total intelligence contained within the previously mentioned human population is a time-independent constant.

Today's Forecast: Mostly dumb with a chance of stupid.

Don't sweat the petty thngs, and don't pet the sweaty things.

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

Life's tough. Life's tougher if you're stupid.

This is Johnny B. Goode, not Johnny Go To Bed. -Chris White, Director, UMaine Marching Band

Remember, there are three kinds of programmers in the world: those who make off-by-1 errors, and those who don't

I can't imagine someone like Osama Bin Laden understanding the joy of Chanukah. -George W. Bush, reported by The Daily Show

By the way, for a fun second-term drinking game, chug a beer every time you hear the phrase, "contentious, but futile protest vote by Democrats." By the time Jeb Bush is elected, you'll be so wasted you won't even notice the war in Syria. - Jon Stewart, The Daily Show

"Our country is run by extremists because moderates have shit to do." - Jon Stewart, The Daily Show

"Mentioning Jesus in your speech is Small Government. Doing what Jesus asked, that's Big Government" - Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report Some quotes from the television series Babylon 5:

"I suppose there'll be a war now, hmm? All that running around and shooting at one another. You would've thought sooner or later it would go out of fashion." - Londo Mollari

"My God, man. We've become a tourist attraction. 'See the great Centauri Republic, open 9 to 5, Earth time.'" - Londo Mollari

"We've had plenty of experience with sneak attacks. Pearl Harbor, the terrorists' nuking of San Diego, the destruction of our first Mars colony. It's a long and bloody history. Do you know what we learned from it? That a sneak attack is the first resort of a coward." - Jeffery Sinclair

"I'd like to live just long enough to be there when they cut off your head and stick it on a pike as a warning to the next ten generations that some favors come with too high a price. I'd look up at your lifeless eyes and wave like this. Can you and your associates arrange it for me, Mr. Morden?" - Vir Cotto

"If I'll live through this job .. without completely losing my mind, it will be a miracle of biblical proportions."
"Well, there goes my faith in the Almighty."
- Susan Ivanova and Lt. Corwin

"I think you just hit a nerve. Vorlons must owe them money or something."
"This also tells they understand our language. They're just not willing to speak to us using it."
"Who knew they were French?"
- Marcus Cole and Susan Ivanova

"Only one human captain has ever survived battle with a Minbari fleet. He is behind me. You are in front of me. If you value your lives, be somewhere else." - Delenn

"You see, it's like I've always said: You can get more with a kind word and a two-by-four than you can with just a kind word." - Marcus Cole

"Always bet on stupidity." - Sniper in "Ceremonies of Light and Dark"

"Ready?"
"Why do your people always ask if someone is ready right before you are going to do something massively unwise?"
"Tradition."
- Jeffery Sinclair and Delenn

"It isn't actually breen. It's an Earth food. They are called Swedish meatballs. It's a strange thing, but every sentient race has its own version of these Swedish meatballs. I suspect it's one of those great universal mysteries which will either never get explained or which will drive you mad if you ever learned the truth." - G'Kar

"If he insists, she'll stay one more night. She can leave when he falls asleep, file a complaint with the elders, even cut off his .. his access to her family." - Delenn

"Well, who wants to live forever?"
"I do, actually. But what the hell. Signal away."
- Susan Ivanova and Marcus Cole

"Lennier, get us the hell out of here."
"Initiating 'getting the hell out of here' maneuver."
- Susan Ivanova and Lennier

"Vir, there is a terrible truth: As one accumulates power, one loses friends. One only has those who wish to use you, and those you wish to use. And yet, in all of this, you have somehow managed to walk through the corridors of power and not be touched. I can only assume you have not been paying attention." -Londo Mollari

"It's a Minbari fighting pike, several hundred years old. You are just jealous because you don't have one. Bad case of pikal envy, if you ask me." -Marcus Cole

"Wakey, wakey. I'm here with your weather report for the evening. I see rain, lightning, thunder, and your head nailed to that wall over there if you don't tell me what my friend and I need to know." -Marcus Cole

"At least a dozen ships have reported seeing something rather godlike in the area, and since neither you nor I were there, it must be one of the First Ones."
"You are having delusions of grandeur again."
"Well, if you're gonna have delusions, you may as well go for the really satisfying ones."
- Marcus Cole and Susan Ivanova

"I never trust anyone that refers to themself in the third person." - Marcus Cole

"So what are you going to do, Mollari? Blow up the island?"
"Actually, .. now that you mention it."
- Mr. Morden and Londo Mollari

"And I could nail your head to the table, set fire to it, and feed your charred remains to the Pak'ma'ra. But it's an imperfect world and we never get exactly what we want. So get used to it." - John Sheridan

"Commander! Did you threaten to grab hold of this man by the collar and throw him out an airlock?"
"Yes I did."
"I'm shocked. Shocked and dismayed. I'd remind you that we are short on supplies here. We can't afford to take perfectly good clothing and throw it out into space. Always take the jacket off first, I've told you that before. Sorry, she meant to say: 'Stripped naked and thrown out an airlock.' I apologize for any confusion this may have caused."
- John Sheridan and Susan Ivanova

"When I said my quarters were cold, I did not mean: 'Oh, I think it's a little chilly in here, perhaps I'll throw a blanket on the bed.' No, I said it was cold! As in: 'Oh, look, my left arm has snapped off like an icicle and shattered on the floor.' This is highly inappropriate, Captain."
"You are right. There are several other parts of your body I much rather see snapped off."
- Londo Mollari and John Sheridan

"Ouch! She did that on purpose."
"Yes, I believe she did. I will deal with this. [In Minbari] Good Work. Give me a moment with the human. And next time .. Use a bigger needle."
"Yeah. And don't you forget it!"
- Zack Allan and Lennier

"Woo-hoo?" - Lennier

"But only Zathras have no one to talk to. No one manages poor Zathras, you see. So Zathras talks to dirt. Sometimes talks to walls, or talks to ceilings. But dirt is closer. Dirt is used, through everyone walking on it. Just like Zathras, but we've come to like it. It is our role. It is our destiny in the universe. So, you see, sometimes dirt has insects in it. And Zathras likes insects. Not so good for conversation, but much protein for diet." - Zathras

"I don't watch TV. It's a cultural wasteland filled with inappropriate metaphors and an unrealistic portrayal of life created by the liberal media elite." - Guard, to Michael Garibaldi

"Who am I? I'm Susan Ivanova, Commander, daughter of Andrei and Sofie Ivanov. I am the right hand of vengeance, and the boot that is gonna kick your sorry ass all the way back to Earth, sweetheart. I'm death incarnate and the last living thing that you're ever going to see. God sent me." - Susan Ivanova

"You're late!"
"No, no, no, you're early."
"I'm never premature."
"Oh, well, that is a surprise, given what I've heard. I'm sure it's a matter of perspective, really. But for a Narn, two minutes must be a long time, so if you go the duration, it's an accomplishment. But for the Centauri, hours can go by before you even get to the good parts."
- G'Kar and Londo Mollari

"I don't believe this. What is it with this place? I mean, last week someone tries to assassinate Sheridan, and now someone tries to poison Londo. My God! What is wrong with you people? Don't you have anything else better to do? Why don't you get a hobby? Read a book or something?" - Vir Cotto

"I'm caught in a web of my own good intentions."
"Well, the road to hell is paved with them, sir."
"I know, but why does it have to go through this office?"
- John Sheridan and Elizabeth Lochley

"Oh, and you mentioned wondering what my pleasure threshold is. I just recently found out. .. I don't have one. Have a very, very nice day, G'Kar." - Lyta Alexander

"Well, that's the problem when you go from being a soldier to a politician. You have to sit and listen to people you would've shot six months earlier." - John Sheridan

"There is no corresponding word for 'goodbye' in Minbari. All of our partings contain within them the possibility of meeting again, in other places, in other times, in other lives. So you will excuse me if I do not say goodbye." - Delenn